WTF!!!!!!!!!!, like, i dont even know whats going on anymore. I'm sitting down with Mel when all of a sudden, Tim calls, saying that Michelle slept (had sex) with another guy while she was in Ipswich. i didn't know what to say, i was shocked to hear that, even if it wasn't true, i was still out of it. The first reaction i had was to throw something, unfortunately it was my Phone, thats why People haven't been getting through to me on My mobile. I told Mel we were going for a walk to tims house to find out if it was true. i felt so empty inside, i felt like crap. like i was about to do something wrong. but at the same time i knew there had to be more than one side of this story. we turned up at Tims house and he says that he and Alec were sitting down playing some game, when Michelle sent a text message saying "Hey, You'll never guess what, I had sex like 4 hours ago with some guy named Conan". According to Tim this Message came from Michelles phone, and he was shocked as well. he sent the message back saying that he didn't really care and that it was completely stupid seeing as she had a boyfriend (Me). Now, she "apparantly" sent back " I don't care, i was going to break up with him anyway. well, she kept up the conversation, and he kept sending back that he didn't care, mind you, this is all on Alec's phone, and that was the only thing that made me doubt everything. i was still empty inside and was basically losing control of my actions. Tim told me that Michelle was planning to break it off with me anyway, and i have to admit, i was going to break it off with her calmly, so that we could still be friends. But after hearing that, I WAS PISSED. Basically it ended with me Marging into her house, going off my Nut, breaking up with her in such anger that i thought was impossible, and storming out of her place. Now, unfortunately for her, and i REALLY REGRET doing that now, is that her father was there, same as her sister's Angela and Tina. They must have been shocked. I am sorry for barging into there house like that, but i wasn't myself, and im not sure anyone would be themselves after hearing what i heard. All i can say right now is that i'm grateful Michelle didn't love me because it would have hurt her so much more. I must say, that i could have done so much more to find out the truth, but i wasn't myself and i'm terribly sorry for going off like that. I have met this great bunch of people, and befriended them all, but they are all turning there backs onto me because i revealed a side of them that they haven't seen in me before. and if anyone else can understand the feelings i went through in hearing what came out of one of Michelles best friends, then at least they can forgive me. i'm sure there was a time in everyones life where they have lost it because they heard something that seemed so truthful that they believed that the world was about to end. i was going to kill myself because i thought "How can you do that to someone, How can you turn your back on one guy for another". i didn't want to believe it was true, i couldn't, but in my emptyness, i thought there was a faint chance that it might be. i'm sorry that i didn't trust Michelle, But at times, i felt like she didn't trust me. After Me and Tim dropped Mel off home, he gave me more information that had me believing even more that she did it.
i went home and thought about it, i was just amazed that i could think straight, i wasn't speaking to anyone though, not even my mum. i Had just lost all trust in everyone except my closest friends. I had no-one to go to but Alex's. on the way there i came across this bloke who faked he was looking for someone apparantly i knew. And even though i wasn't exactly myself, i knew he was after my bike. he kept up his charade and i kept up mine, it gave me something else to think about, we went on for hours and this guy was starting to bug me, i wanted to go but he just kept clinging on, eventually i outsmarted him and told him the hospital would take us in for the night. i told him to wait outside while i checked with the hospital. i got security on the guy and went to Alex's. the next morning as soon as i got up i went home and waited a while. i had an Email from Mel saying that she couldn't choose me over her friends and that she wanted to be there for Michelle. Now, i dont remember asking or making her choose between friends, i'm not that kind of person who would do that to someone, it would be like trying to control someone elses life. So i told her that she was a great person for being there for her best friend when she needs it the most (i still had my doubts), and that Kyle is great for being there for Michelle, but i am not a bad person, and he should know that. of all the people, i thought that he could understand, i have been nothing but caring to Michelle, and half the time i didn't think she cared about me, cause she hardly showed it <--all my confusion was topped with that. and i heard it from her mouth no more than a week ago that she didn't love me, that is the Miracle of Three way conversation. I called Sam asking for help, and she used the three way to call michelle and told me to keep my mouth shut, and yeah, michelle told sam that she didn't love me. now that one broke my heart. <--as you can see, it was harder for me with that. but through all this i still haven't forgotten what it must be like for all those other people out there, how they must be feeling, i cant imagine that, but have they tried seeing things from my point of view. i understand that you think i have been in the wrong, but i assure you, i wasn't wrong, i was just a confused person, who tried to maintain a relationship with a girl who i thought was my whole world, was the greatest thing that happened to me, until i started to see her slip away. all i wanted was someone who could care for me the same way i cared for her. but that seemed to be too much to ask. i know i seemed pushy, but that was because i was worried. and i do understand her past, i really do, i just cant believe that she let that get in the way of things. i know it traumatised her, and that it seemed pointless to compare my past with hers. but i was traumatised all my life, she was traumatised for 8 years. i guess some of us are stronger though. i'm sorry that i could help her through that, help her become a stonger person, and i tried helping her through it, but she may have not seen me try. i got a call from Mel the other day saying that she gave Alec a call seeing if the story was true, you know, about the text messages. He said they weren't, and that she was only joking, well, if it was a Joke, that was Cruel, and i'm not sure who used Michelles phone, but whoever it was should learn that you dont say stuff like that if your not sure that it wont get out to the people who matter...not that anyone thinks i matter. i just want to tell people that in life, things dont always go as planned, and that you never know when the unpredictable might happen. I want everyone to know that i am not a bad person, but i'm not perfect either, But people shouldn't let there judgement cloud them from the many different stories in life. This is my Story on what happened, how i see things. i just hope that everyone can read this and that the can forgive me, so that one day we can all sit down and talk about it. i have poured my heart into writing this. And i am deeply sorry for Scaring Michelle, and if i did, For hurting her. i never wanted it to end this way..........................................................I am Sorry......................................................................................Jacob